you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
