Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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