the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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