He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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