just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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