so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
