Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
