pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
