I'm eating all of the evidence.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
