I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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