I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
