Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
