good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
is wine microwaveable?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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