apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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