She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
