doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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