Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
