Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
