So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
