Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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