so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
