The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
