You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
