Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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