is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
