I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
two words: eviction party
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
