If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
