One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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