So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
