ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
