Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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