Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize