"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
