This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It's never too late to be topless.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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