Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
