I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
