Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
