the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
