True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize