i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
