oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
