Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize
