alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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