we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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