My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just pee around me
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
