I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
