11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It's never too late to be topless.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
