I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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