Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
