so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
