Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
