Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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