I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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