I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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