My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
