I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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