awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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