If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
