its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
