And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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