and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
