He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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