Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize