I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize