sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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