She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
