break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
