I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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