I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
