My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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