I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize