I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
