Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
