my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
