I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
