Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
